Obedience

Adonai has been bringing me to the realization that as a believer in Yeshua (Jesus), if I read, observe and obey some of Scripture, then I need to do the same with all of Scripture. I'm not trying to be legalistic; Yeshua himself said that if we love him, we will do as he tells us and follow his commands.
Everything we do should be coming from a place of love, respect and honor for Adonai (Lord).

I do see a need to define legalism as I define it. I see legalism as adding man made laws to Scripture and/or believing that following the law is what saves us. This is what the Pharisees did. This is what Jewish Kosher laws do. And those are just a couple of examples.

Adonai gave us the Torah (which actually means guidelines and instructions in Hebrew) as a way for us to live a set apart lives, to help us realize how much we need Him, and point us to Yeshuah. Even though Yeshuah has already walked this earth, died and resurrected, many of the instructions Abba (father) gave us in the Torah are still valid and for today. The Ten Commandments are even still valid for today. The greatest commandment of loving Adonai with all of our heart, mind, and soul, and loving our neighbor is essentially a sum of  the Ten Commandments. If you look closely at them, you will make the proper connection. The first four are about loving and honoring Adonai, the fifth is about honoring your parents (loving other people), the last five are about loving, respecting and honoring other people.

Adonai wants our love, honor, respect, praise, worship, and obedience. When we live in a place of obedience to Adonai, He is more willing to fully bless us, to give us more. When we are good stewards of what He allows us to have, He allows us to have more.

I know obedience is a hard thing to swallow for American believers, because we do value independence and pride, but we have to let go of those and replace them with humility and responsibility of our own actions, thoughts, words, and emotions.

Fasting

When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to men that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.
Matthew 6:16-18

Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke?
Isaiah 58:6

Fasting can a very useful thing when done correctly and with a right heart. Jesus tell us in Matthew that we should be quiet about our fasting and not flaunt it, as fasting isn't about ourselves-- it's about God. Our motives should be that of growing closer to God and allowing Him to become our sustenance.

Unwholesome Talk

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Ephesians 4:29-32

Unwholesome talk includes gossip, swearing, put downs, lewd/crude jokes, name calling, complaining, lying, boasting, slander or belittling. In my hurt and anger with my family, I at times find myself saying things that are not uplifting--I say things behind their backs that I wouldn't necessarily say to their faces. But here is a command that says that I should be blessing my family, and not be bitter and angry and unforgiving with my family. I need to love them and be compassionate.

In all things God works for the good of those who love Him

There are times when I look at my life and the world around me and wonder how it all works out. But I remember that I am not the one in control of the things around me at all. Sometimes I have a hard time knowing down in my heart that God is in control of all things, especially when I am irritated, frustrated, angry or hurt. Sometimes knowing that God is in control is merely a head knowledge, but where does that get me? -- Just feeling worse off than when I started, because the only way I can have comfort and solace is by knowing it in my heart as well.

As scripture says, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those He predestined He also called; those He called, He also justified; those He justified, He also Glorified." Romans 8:28-30

Since in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, I have no reason to worry or be anxious or frustrated or hurt about anything that happens or may happen.

Rejoice

Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:4-7

In this world, we have an adversary--named Satan-- and he loves to wreck havoc. Satan's main goal is to keep people from coming to Christ and getting to know God. In the last couple of days, I have been dealing with this in regards to my family, especially my parents. Neither my dad nor step-mom are Christian, and me visiting them would be an opportunity for God to reach out to them using me to do so. So Satan whispered to them, reminding them of my past sins against them, and my dad played the "I don't trust you because of past behavior" card, which is essentially the "unforgiveness" card. One of my roommates read this scripture the other night and is reminded me that I need to not worry or be anxious about is, because God is in control. If we trust and rejoice in God and His promises, then there is absolutely no reason to be anxious.

Since you died with Christ to the basic principles of this world, why, as though you still belong to it, do you submit to its rules: Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!? These are all destined to perish with use, because they are based on human commands and teachings. Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.
Colossians 2:20-23

 I  find this passage so good because it's a reminder that we shouldn't be living by "false, worldly, religious, elementary teachings," as one of my study bible notes puts it. We aren't supposed to "combine faith in Christ with secret knowledge and human regulations concerning such physical and external practices such as circumcision, eating and drinking, and observance of religious festivals." NIV study bible notes, Col. 2:8.

Something that has been put on my mind and heart is that faith--a undying belief and trust-- in Christ is the only thing that saves us, but anything that we do that follows God's laws is an outpouring of our hearts. The outward merely reflects the inward. If we have confidence in who God is and what he has done for us, it will show in how we act and in how we treat others.

Texas

In the last couple of months, I have been tested and tried. In that I have been changing, seeing myself for the beautiful, loved woman God has made me. I am not perfect, nor will I ever claim to be. I have made mistakes, but I repent from them and ask for forgiveness from myself, the people I have sinned against, and God. I have found there are people I know that don't understand who God is and think that it isn't ok to separate myself from that which is hurting me. I realize my actions are misunderstood and people will take offense to them, but I ask that those people whom take offense have forgiveness written on their hearts instead of allowing the offense to attach itself to them. I will not allow the hurt, bitterness, resentment, unforgiveness, anger, fear, grief, perversion, or any other negative emotion or sin to attach itself to me. It may mean that I don't speak with you for a period of time until God can strengthen my foundation in Him. God works in ways that even I, one of His loved children, do not understand.
I ask that no one pleads with me to keep in contact with you. If God says for me to not speak with you, I will listen to him before I listen to a fellow human. You don't know what God is doing in my heart, mind and soul unless I tell you. You don't know the conversations I have with Him. God's wisdom is greater than any human wisdom and what makes sense to Him doesn't always make sense to us, especially to those who don't have a personal relationship with Him.
I came to Texas unsure of what to expect, not knowing what kind of changes God had in mind for me. I still am unsure of what to expect, but I do know God has good plans for me, good changes to  make within me. I pray for the people in my life who do not know God, that they may come to know Him. I desire for them to realize their own potential, which can only be found in God.
Something I am learning is that my life is not my own, and that it isn't such a bad thing for me to belong to God. We are here because of Him, so why not Give Him the Glory instead of taking it for ourselves? What about ourselves deserves Glory? The knowledge and abilities we have, we have because they have been given to us by an almighty, sovereign, loving, just, forgiving God.
I desire to live the life I have been given to Glorify my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I desire to be loving, kind, forgiving, joyful, peaceful, firm, uplifting, confident. I want to be a blessing to the people around me. I want to be able to discipline and rebuke when needed. I want to be able to look people in the eye and tell them who my God is, and why I am different. I want people to see God in me, rather than seeing me. 

Listening to God

For the last couple of weeks, God has been very much on my mind and heart. I have been having a hard time with things because I knew for a while that the person I was staying with wanted me out of her apartment. The morning I left to visit family for Easter, she told me that she really needed me out. I was worried about it the whole week because I had a feeling that she wasn't going to be happy with me when I got back. I was there for one night before she got a bit brash about it. I left that afternoon a bit upset and went to my friend Nikki's dad's place in Long Beach where she's staying.
I know I should have been out a while ago; I wasn't happy being there as I didn't have my own space or privacy and it was stressful. There were too many people in such a small space--we were getting on each others nerves. I haven't gotten a job, so getting my own place or renting a place with friends has been out of the question up until this point. I have wanted to work, because I have been so bored not doing so. I've been so tired of looking for work and not getting any prospects, that I've been tempted to pull my hair out.
I'm thinking about going to Texas with Nikki. I've been praying about it and since I don't have anything holding me down here, it may be the best move for me to make. I was considering moving back up with my parents in WA, but I don't think that's the best option. I don't get along well with my dad when we live under the same roof. Part of it is that my dad doesn't know how to treat me like an adult--I think he still sees me as a kid. Another part of it is that we are so much alike, making it hard to know how to deal with each other.

Headcovering Commitment

I have had a hard time committing to covering my head. I go back and forth. Some days I cover, while other days I don't feel like doing so, so I don't cover on those days. I want to, but at times I feel self conscious about it.

I recently renewed my license and in my photo, my head is covered for "religious reasons." So now it validates it even more. It's less of an issue, I guess in a way, because now my official form of identification has a picture of me with a scarf on my head. I still at times feel self conscious about it because I don't personally know any other Christians who head cover. I've been covering since last September and I don't think I will stop unless God tells me to do so.

New Beginings

December 13, 2010
Last Friday, I left Job Corps. One of the security guys, Brandon took me down to my dorm to get my stuff right after he got to work, and for half an hour we spent our time loading my stuff into the Durango. On the way down, I warned Brandon I had a lot of stuff, but he wasn't quite prepared for it. My stuff was in the aisle of the AWOL room, and when we got there and he opened the door, he was amazed at how much stuff I had-- 7 boxes and several bags, including a suitcase, hiking backpack, and my school backpack. Brandon got me laughing so much with him picking on me about how much stuff I had, and when I reminded him that I had been there for two years, he told me that in four years of college he hadn't accumulated nearly as much.
When we got back up to the gate, my friend Deedee was there waiting. Given her car wasn't big enough to fit everything, I put only what I absolutely needed into her car. Brandon had offered to put my stuff in the shed at the gate until I could pick it up. He finally went to ask the security manager about driving myself and my boxes out to seaside, who said yes if we could do so in one trip. So we got to spend an extra half an hour together.
We laughed more on the drive-- there were a couple of times when he changed lanes and I looked to see if there was anyone next to us; habit from when I was driving.