Since you died with Christ to the basic principles of this world, why, as though you still belong to it, do you submit to its rules: Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!? These are all destined to perish with use, because they are based on human commands and teachings. Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.
Colossians 2:20-23

 I  find this passage so good because it's a reminder that we shouldn't be living by "false, worldly, religious, elementary teachings," as one of my study bible notes puts it. We aren't supposed to "combine faith in Christ with secret knowledge and human regulations concerning such physical and external practices such as circumcision, eating and drinking, and observance of religious festivals." NIV study bible notes, Col. 2:8.

Something that has been put on my mind and heart is that faith--a undying belief and trust-- in Christ is the only thing that saves us, but anything that we do that follows God's laws is an outpouring of our hearts. The outward merely reflects the inward. If we have confidence in who God is and what he has done for us, it will show in how we act and in how we treat others.

Texas

In the last couple of months, I have been tested and tried. In that I have been changing, seeing myself for the beautiful, loved woman God has made me. I am not perfect, nor will I ever claim to be. I have made mistakes, but I repent from them and ask for forgiveness from myself, the people I have sinned against, and God. I have found there are people I know that don't understand who God is and think that it isn't ok to separate myself from that which is hurting me. I realize my actions are misunderstood and people will take offense to them, but I ask that those people whom take offense have forgiveness written on their hearts instead of allowing the offense to attach itself to them. I will not allow the hurt, bitterness, resentment, unforgiveness, anger, fear, grief, perversion, or any other negative emotion or sin to attach itself to me. It may mean that I don't speak with you for a period of time until God can strengthen my foundation in Him. God works in ways that even I, one of His loved children, do not understand.
I ask that no one pleads with me to keep in contact with you. If God says for me to not speak with you, I will listen to him before I listen to a fellow human. You don't know what God is doing in my heart, mind and soul unless I tell you. You don't know the conversations I have with Him. God's wisdom is greater than any human wisdom and what makes sense to Him doesn't always make sense to us, especially to those who don't have a personal relationship with Him.
I came to Texas unsure of what to expect, not knowing what kind of changes God had in mind for me. I still am unsure of what to expect, but I do know God has good plans for me, good changes to  make within me. I pray for the people in my life who do not know God, that they may come to know Him. I desire for them to realize their own potential, which can only be found in God.
Something I am learning is that my life is not my own, and that it isn't such a bad thing for me to belong to God. We are here because of Him, so why not Give Him the Glory instead of taking it for ourselves? What about ourselves deserves Glory? The knowledge and abilities we have, we have because they have been given to us by an almighty, sovereign, loving, just, forgiving God.
I desire to live the life I have been given to Glorify my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I desire to be loving, kind, forgiving, joyful, peaceful, firm, uplifting, confident. I want to be a blessing to the people around me. I want to be able to discipline and rebuke when needed. I want to be able to look people in the eye and tell them who my God is, and why I am different. I want people to see God in me, rather than seeing me. 

Listening to God

For the last couple of weeks, God has been very much on my mind and heart. I have been having a hard time with things because I knew for a while that the person I was staying with wanted me out of her apartment. The morning I left to visit family for Easter, she told me that she really needed me out. I was worried about it the whole week because I had a feeling that she wasn't going to be happy with me when I got back. I was there for one night before she got a bit brash about it. I left that afternoon a bit upset and went to my friend Nikki's dad's place in Long Beach where she's staying.
I know I should have been out a while ago; I wasn't happy being there as I didn't have my own space or privacy and it was stressful. There were too many people in such a small space--we were getting on each others nerves. I haven't gotten a job, so getting my own place or renting a place with friends has been out of the question up until this point. I have wanted to work, because I have been so bored not doing so. I've been so tired of looking for work and not getting any prospects, that I've been tempted to pull my hair out.
I'm thinking about going to Texas with Nikki. I've been praying about it and since I don't have anything holding me down here, it may be the best move for me to make. I was considering moving back up with my parents in WA, but I don't think that's the best option. I don't get along well with my dad when we live under the same roof. Part of it is that my dad doesn't know how to treat me like an adult--I think he still sees me as a kid. Another part of it is that we are so much alike, making it hard to know how to deal with each other.

Headcovering Commitment

I have had a hard time committing to covering my head. I go back and forth. Some days I cover, while other days I don't feel like doing so, so I don't cover on those days. I want to, but at times I feel self conscious about it.

I recently renewed my license and in my photo, my head is covered for "religious reasons." So now it validates it even more. It's less of an issue, I guess in a way, because now my official form of identification has a picture of me with a scarf on my head. I still at times feel self conscious about it because I don't personally know any other Christians who head cover. I've been covering since last September and I don't think I will stop unless God tells me to do so.

New Beginings

December 13, 2010
Last Friday, I left Job Corps. One of the security guys, Brandon took me down to my dorm to get my stuff right after he got to work, and for half an hour we spent our time loading my stuff into the Durango. On the way down, I warned Brandon I had a lot of stuff, but he wasn't quite prepared for it. My stuff was in the aisle of the AWOL room, and when we got there and he opened the door, he was amazed at how much stuff I had-- 7 boxes and several bags, including a suitcase, hiking backpack, and my school backpack. Brandon got me laughing so much with him picking on me about how much stuff I had, and when I reminded him that I had been there for two years, he told me that in four years of college he hadn't accumulated nearly as much.
When we got back up to the gate, my friend Deedee was there waiting. Given her car wasn't big enough to fit everything, I put only what I absolutely needed into her car. Brandon had offered to put my stuff in the shed at the gate until I could pick it up. He finally went to ask the security manager about driving myself and my boxes out to seaside, who said yes if we could do so in one trip. So we got to spend an extra half an hour together.
We laughed more on the drive-- there were a couple of times when he changed lanes and I looked to see if there was anyone next to us; habit from when I was driving.

Natural Disasters

Last Thursday, there was an earthquake and tsunami in Japan. Areas of the west coast of the US were evacuated, including Seaside, OR. I have read articles and seen photos and videos of the damage in Japan, and it breaks my heart-- not so much the damage to the buildings and cars and earth, but rather the impact the damage has had on the people there; that and the lives that have been lost. Many people are trapped or without food, water, shelter or warm clothing, or wondering where there loved ones are. Others have died--drowned, crushed, starved, dehydrated. I cry even as I type this. I know that there is hope in God, but there is only a small percentage of Christians over there; it is one of my most fervent prayers that the Japanese come to know God through this tough time. I think God is allowing natural disasters to be more frequent and severe as a way to get people's attention and focus on Him.

Carmina Burana

I got to sing this when I went to Edmonds Community College a few years ago. This isn't the group that I sang in, though.

Calling for a Flood

While I'm Waiting John Waller

As for Me and My House - John Waller